


Untitled Sam/Jack Crack!Fic

by Raisintorte



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-18
Updated: 2005-07-18
Packaged: 2017-10-17 08:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raisintorte/pseuds/Raisintorte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But you fell right off!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled Sam/Jack Crack!Fic

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack fic. Really bad crack fic. Also, there are no transitions between dialogue.

**Sam tells Jack she's pregnant:**  
"Sir, I fell pregnant"

"Carter! WHAT!?!?"

"You're the father"

"But how? We never broke the regs."

"Remember that time, on PX5-348, when _I slipped in a puddle of semen, and fell on your penis?"_

“But you fell right off!"

"Guess that first fall was enough!"

 **One month later:**  
"Sir! I'm pregnant with octuplets!"

"Octuplets?!?! Isn't that like 8 kids?"

"Yes, damn your hero!sperm! SIR!"

"How are they gonna fit in there?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!"

"This is all Daniels fault! Damn him leaving his sperm on the floor"

"It's not Daniels fault, it's your fault for leaving your penis lying around like that!"

"I did not just *leave* my penis lying around Carter!"

"Yes, you did! Both Daniel and Teal'c managed put theirs away after they finished presenting their offering to the sun god."

"HEY! Last time I checked YOU were the one who slipped on Daniel's offering, not me"

"BUT if you had put your penis away, I wouldn't have fallen on it!"

"I hadn't put it away yet because I hadn't completed my offering yet! Hence the YOU getting knocked up part!"

“And whose fault is it, that you hadn’t finished your offering yet?!?! Daniel and Teal’c managed to finish in the allotted time frame!”

“Hey! I’m not as young as I used to be; besides this wouldn’t have been a problem if you’d been wearing clothing at the time.”

“I wasn’t wearing clothing, because the sun god did not wish women to be clothed, and Sir, it’s not like you were fighting that hard for me to keep my clothing on.”

“Hey! If I had to make an *offering,* to please the god, the very least you could do was get naked!”

“Fine! Fault or not we are having eight babies in less than 7 months and I for one want to know how YOU are going to explain it to everyone because I don’t really think they will buy the whole ‘Carter slipped on Daniel’s semen and fell on my penis’ bit”

“*I* have to explain this to everyone!?!?”

“Yes, YOU, GENERAL O’Neill!!”

“FINE then! We will just use the age old defense of ‘aliens made us do it.’ No one can get in trouble with that defense.”

“FINE!”


End file.
